Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
