I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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