Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
