I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
