She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
did i just pee glitter
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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