I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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