We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
