I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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