I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a hot homeless man
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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