I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
