Nicole vs. Life
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
