K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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