My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
