I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
