We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
