i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
