she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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