Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
