So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hippo gnu deer
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
