I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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