the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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