this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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