If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
