Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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