I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
