The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
