Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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