First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
