wat bout pragnant strippers??
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
