hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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