I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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