just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
