One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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