I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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