1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
