What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
