Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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