babies were throwing up all over the place
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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