Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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