when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
