forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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