I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
