five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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