i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize