walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
