I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
