a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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