its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
