also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
