I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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