It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
