The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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