once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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