Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
