I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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