Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
