Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
