can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
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Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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