bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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